“Love all”

In the sport of tennis, “love” means zero. Each game begins with the phrase “love all” to indicate that both players have zero points. Over the years and through my experience, the term “love all” has truly come to embody the sport of tennis in my life. At a very early age, my dad put a tennis racquet in my hand at our local YMCA tennis courts. From my first swing, I fell in love. Though very shy and reserved off the court, on the tennis court I came alive; I was aggressive and fiercely competitive. Often I would be far behind my competitor, but I would slowly inch my way back into the match until I had eventually claimed the match. My parents coined me the “comeback kid”. Tennis gave me a playground, a classroom, a platform to be unafraid, to show tenacity, to fight, to stand my ground and to love.

When I was 12, one of the local tennis pros gave me my first job. Twice a week, I helped her teach tennis classes to other kids. Most of them were older and bigger than me, but I’d proudly demonstrate a stroke or step in and correct their grip. I loved being able to use my tennis skills to help others. I loved being able to relate to other kids through a sport I cherished. Every summer for 16 years, I returned to the courts to teach at a summer camp. This was often my favorite time of the year, from teaching new techniques to water balloon relays to competitive games with the other counselors, nothing could better sum up those summer days than love. I loved the students, the games, the counselors, I loved being able to work with my dad and my little sister. I loved being hot and sweaty and exhausted and running inside for a popsicle treat with smiling, happy campers. I loved being a teenager but running a camp with 100s of kids, a staff of fellow teenagers, and being solely in charge and responsible. I loved pouring myself tirelessly into improving my camp and the experience for the kids.

I didn’t realize it when I was younger, but later I began to feel that tennis was my calling, and I was gifted in teaching tennis for a reason. I’d find that reason 8,000 miles away on a dirt court in Nairobi, Kenya. The first time I went to Kenya, I didn’t know what to expect. I wasn’t even exactly sure why I was going. But I heard The Lord calling me, and I knew I couldn’t ignore His call. That was a life-changing experience. I saw kids playing tennis with wooden paddles but smiling from ear to ear. I saw kids with tennis shoes with gaping holes but sprinting across the court. I saw kids with worn clothes but laughing nonstop. I fell in love with those kids, with that place, with a sport that gave me so much giving them so much more. I returned to Kenya again this past fall, and upon arriving I knew I was home.

Tennis has been my outlet, my haven, my constant for much of my life. Whenever I felt down, my dad would take me on the tennis court and before the match was over I’d forget my troubles and be smiling. Tennis has been a way for me to love others. From my many teammates to my students to the girls in Kenya, I have had the opportunity to meet so many people through this sport. While “love” may mean zero in tennis, it has been so full for me. And now I have the chance to pay it forward. As I make preparations for my move to Kenya, my heart leaps with joy when I think of how God has orchestrated this. From the cracked courts at the YMCA to the makeshift courts in a slum in Kenya, The Lord’s hand has been guiding me along.  It’s sometimes incomprehensible that He would choose to use me to spread His gospel through tennis. I might not understand it, but I fully accept it.

Each game in tennis begins with “love all”, and that’s exactly what I plan on doing: loving all through a sport that has loved me, blessed me, taught me, employed me, shaped me and given me purpose.

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Journey to 30…

365 days ago, it hit me that I was about to be be 30. Me, 30 years old! I couldn’t quite wrap my mind around the fact I was about to hit such a huge milestone in my life. I didn’t feel 30. My life didn’t seem to have all the pieces together that a 30-year-old would. I felt incomplete and not ready to be a “real adult”. After spending some time in prayer, I realized that God has me exactly where he wants me to be. I have all I need right now. And I am all I need to be right now. How refreshing to know that I don’t have to strive after earthly goals and ambitions. I just get to live. Live in the moment and live for the moment. So I set out on this journey. A journey of 30 things I wanted to accomplish before I turned 30. Now, I didn’t reach every item on the list like #9 Read 30 books or #22 eat clean for 30 days. But I lived, and the results were amazing. I have seen more, done more, read more, wrote more, prayed more, laughed more, cried more, lived more than I have in any other year of my life. Here are some highlights from my journey to 30:

#17 Surfing lessons in California

 

Now I don’t think that I come across as the surfer type. I’m not chiseled with a beach babe body, with long blond hair. But I LOVE the ocean. Let me repeat that for emphasis, I LOVE the ocean. From playing in the waves to sitting in the sand and listening to the waves crash on the shore, I am in total awe of the beauty God created in oceans. So I decided what better way to experience this creation, other than tackling those waves on a surfboard. So in April, my friend Jade and I set out on a West Coast expedition, and our first stop was San Diego’s Mission Beach. There, we first learned how to stand on the board on the sand, then we progressed to the real waves. Wave after wave, I tried to get up on my two feet. And wave after wave, I flopped, crashed, wiped out, toppled over, even managing to break my little finger. As the lesson was drawing near to a close, I mustered all the energy I had left, and with the final wave I managed to stand on the surfboard and ride the wave. What a feeling! In that moment, I was so consumed with the beauty and power of the waves that I had no room for worries or problems. In that moment, God used the rushing waves to remind me of his power and sovereignty.

#10 Be amazed

As our West Coast trip continued, we traveled from San Diego to LA and from LA to Las Vegas and from Vegas to the Grand Canyon. It was at the Grand Canyon that I accomplished #10 on my list Be amazed. Have you ever seen something so beautiful that you felt like were viewing God himself? That’s the feeling I received peering into the beauty and depth of the Grand Canyon. As I stood on the edge, I observed all the colors of the rocks and imagined God, the creator, carefully painting each rock and each crevice. That place is truly awe-inspiring.

#1 Complete a triathlon

This year I completed my first sprint triathlon. For me this was a huge feat and I entered the day with anxiety mixed with excitement and a sprinkling of sheer fear. individually the components didn’t frighten me; I have enjoyed swimming since I was very young and have never had any fear when it comes to water; when it came to biking I was felt very at ease at the thought of rolling casually 12 miles in the flat delta; and my thinking around the running was at least I could walk if I got tired. When tried to comprehend all three of these activities together, coupled with my months of inconsistent training and moments of lack of motivation, the night before the triathlon I was a nervous wreck. I tried to calm myself with my normal techniques, deep breathing, thinking of oceans, dinner with my mom and sisters, praying, but nothing worked I couldn’t catch my breath and I was drowning and I hadn’t even entered the lake yet. However, I was able to dig deeply into my second and often third wind to finish, and it was one of the most rewarding moments of my life. I just keep thinking about Philippians 3:14 “I press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus.” And press on I did, until I reached that finish line

#7 Give something meaningful to someone

This past July, my beloved Grandma Kizzie passed away. She was truly one of my favorite people. During her life, she imparted so much wisdom to me and poured me with unconditional love. At her memorial service, one of my aunts asked if I would be willing to say a few words about her life at the service. For anyone that knows me, they know that I am terrified of public speaking. However, I mustered all my strength and resolve and gave her a fitting tribute. There is not much that I could give my Grandma Kizzie that she didn’t already have. She was a women of valor, of love, of faith, of charisma, of courage. She lived a life, I would be lucky to emulate. And in those few words I spoke at her service, I thanked her for being my grandmother and the impact she had on my life.

#3 Get a new stamp in passport

So in October en route to Africa, I had layovers in Amsterdam and London, thereby accomplishing number three on my list: “Get a new stamp in passport.”

#8 Run a race

This may be my favorite and most surprising things on my list. When I initially thought of completing a race, I was thinking about a 5k or half marathon, little did I know the race would occur across the globe on a tennis court. In October, when I was volunteering and teaching tennis in Kenya one day after practice, I had the girls running suicides for fitness. They were getting exhausted, but I kept pushing them to keep going. Finally they were all leaning over, every ounce of energy drained from the bodies. I knew they could go one more time, they just needed the extra motivation. Which of course was making it a foot race against “coach”. We raced and ran and laughed and raced some more until we were wiped, but I was full. Full of so much joy!

#4 Fall in love (object to be determined)

Alas, the tricky one! I would love to say that in the past twelve months I met a great guy, fell in love, and on my way to the wedding chapel. But that’s not how this story goes, even better I fell more in love with Jesus and the person he created me to be. I have found my passions and gifts. I have found a joy unspeakable. I have been blessed enough to have formed new friendships through church, bible study, prayer group. I have loved every minute of the past year. Though it was difficult at times, God has always been faithful, and I trust Him wholeheartedly with my life and my future. I am head over heels in love with my creator and my sustainer. I love Jesus, and I am falling more in love with me every day.

 So what’s left?

#30 Have a magical birthday

And what I have realized is the magic is not in the action, it’s in the love shared by family and friends. The gift of grace and forgiveness from God make every day a magical miracle. My birthday will be magical because I believe in The Lord, and his mercies are new every morning. Whatever circumstances I may face, God is good, and He is loving and kind. I don’t know how I will actually spend my birthday, but I can guarantee you it will begin in thanks to God for all he has done, and all he will continue doing in my life. My journey to 30 has been amazing, and am I ready to hit 30 now? Absolutely! Bring on the candles! Let’s see what this new year, decade, season has to offer. To God be the glory, forever. Amen.

The Wall

Earlier this week, on our company retreat, we went rock climbing for a team building activity.  Now, I love physical activities and challenges, but I have a terrible, crippling fear of heights. As soon as we arrived at the facility, and I looked at the height of the walls, I told myself there was no way I was going to climb that high.

However, my competitive drive kicked in, and I wasn’t going to not try. So I tried. I climbed half way up the wall and froze in fear. I could physically go higher, but my mind told me that I could not. I panicked, not able to go any higher I came down. Dejected at my inability to keep going higher, I was frustrated and disappointed.

About 15 minutes later, I pep talked myself into going again. I knew I could do it. I knew I had the strength, I just needed to push myself higher. I had to trust in the harness and the rope. I had to believe that I wasn’t going to fall. I had to have faith that I could go higher.

So I got strapped into the harness and began to climb again. The first few steps were easy. I breezed through the lower part of the wall. Then, just like it happened the time before, I got to the same point, and I froze. Crippled in fear, I was stuck midway on the wall. My legs and arms began to shake, I looked down and panicked. I could not go any higher on this wall. Then, below me, all of my teammates began to cheer me on, encouraging me to keep going higher. There words were nice, but ultimately I needed to silence the voice in my head that told me I could not. I had to listen to the still small voice in my soul that told me I could. I let that voice be my guide as I took step by step, until I reached the very top. Higher than I thought I could go, but not higher than I could go.

That wall is life. I know sometimes I get stuck in a place, crippled by fear, scared to keep going, losing faith, looking backwards, and ultimately giving up. But God never intended us to be stuck. By His strength we can keep going, keep climbing, keep moving, and go higher, longer, further than we ever imagined or thought. When I came down from the wall, all of my teammates rushed me with hugs and high fives. My boss even told me to tap into whatever force led me to the wall the second time. That force, that will, that determination comes from the Lord, and I pray that I can listen to His voice when he whispers, “keep going higher, my rope will guide you, my harness will catch you, my love will never leave you, you will not FALL.”

HE. Came.

Silent.

Dark.

Quiet.

Waiting.

---

Boom.

Bang.

Crash.

Everything changed in one moment.

HE CAME.

Unassuming.

Unnoticed.

King of the universe wrapped in swaddling clothing.

Holder of the world. Held as in infant.

Creator of the universe. Walking among the created.

Jesus came that we may have life. He came not with a loud uproar, but in silence in a manger, in a small town. There was not buzz about his arrival. The tabloid headlines didn’t shout of his birth like the royal baby. But yet he came, to a teenage girl and a carpenter.

He came. He came.

What’s more? He came to die.

He lived a life we couldn’t live and died a death we all deserved.

He came. The wise men knew. They brought gifts. The prophets had spoken of his coming. The people were waiting. Then, he came.

Yet, they rejected him. Mocked him. Beat him. Killed him.

But, he came. He came for me. He came for you. He came for my friends and family. He came for my enemies. He came for Mother Teresa. He came for Hitler. He came to save humanity. He came to give us life. He came to tear down the walls. He came to give us hope, peace, joy, comfort, love, patience. He came.

One night, in the midst of the darkness, in the midst of pain, suffering, hopelessness, he came. Silently, quietly, as just a mere infant, he came. An eternal light shining, he came. A light for the world, he came. A light for me in my darkest moments, he came. A light for all to see, he came.

And did I mention, he’s coming back.

“The people who walk in darkness will see a great light. For those who live in a land of deep darkness, a light will shine.” Isaiah 9:2

One Journey- -Two Years

God is eternal. He has no time, no beginning, and no ending. He has lived all of our yesterdays and all of our tomorrows. His story is better than the finest book crafted by the finest author. This is what happens when God is the author— all of His glory and redemptive power on full display. How can I know that God has lived all of my days? Well because what was two years in my life, was just a blink in Eternity.

I don’t even know where to begin. I guess it started two years ago when I heard God calling me to Kenya. I answered his call. I didn’t share the gospel. I didn’t talk about God. I formed relationships.

It was then that I met Elizabeth and her brother Charles. After some warming up, they welcomed me in their home in the Kibera slums. Though just a few cardboard boxes stitched together, it was their home and they were proud of every inch of it. My first Sunday back, I saw Elizabeth again, the tall, lanky, shy teenage girl. She briefly smiled and waved and continued to go on her way. Her brother, on the other hand, being polar opposites, greeted me excitedly when he saw me, recalling our last meeting together. Charles proudly shared that he and his sister now lived at Sadili, and his mom had a job working at the pool. It was as if two years had not passed between our last meeting.

I wanted badly for the same with Elizabeth, but I knew I couldn’t rush it. I knew she’d have to open to me again, to trust me again, to believe in me again. Well after a few brief interactions, the spark was ignited. She opened up like a gift on Christmas morning. Then, just like that, I was standing after dinner talking about the gospel to a group of about 8 girls and 2 boys. Enamored, they clung to my every word, asking questions, and then it was Elizabeth, shy Elizabeth that said “tomorrow, we will meet again.” Yes, tomorrow we can meet again, I thought, it’s just too few tomorrows. But God has no limits.

 

Married to Jesus

Sitting at dinner with the girls, we jokingly said who was dating whom, and which girl had a crush on which guy. They kind of talk that makes girls giggle and blush. Then, one of them asked me about my boyfriend. And I said that I didn’t have one. Elizabeth’s brother, Charles, who had migrated over to the table at this point, asked pretty seriously, “well why not?” After thinking for a minute, I knew I had two options: I could continue the lighthearted joking conversation or I could speak the truth and share the good news of Jesus Christ. I chose the latter.

“Well, God hasn’t chosen anyone for me yet, so I’m married to Jesus until he gives me a husband,” I began, “And he’s the best husband because he’s good and kind.”  Elizabeth beamed, “I like that…I like that a lot”

At this point, I noticed that I had garnered quite the gathering, and I was standing up. This outside eating area, built on a garbage site, with all reused and recycled material had become my pulpit and these kids my congregation. They asked me about dating, and church, and relationships. Two Muslims girls sat listening electrified. At one point I was interrupted, and they all said what were you saying about Jesus. When they departed, a few of the kids asked if we could talk more tomorrow. And I smiled and said yes.

Then, I recalled all the people who questioned me about this trip. “What are you going to do?” “So is this a mission trip?” You’re going to teach tennis where?” Why are you going all the way to Africa?”

My response now. Tennis is the means. God is the end. My life is a mission trip.

 

“No Eulogy Needed”

Last week, my family and I made the trek from Memphis to Cincinnati to attend my Grandma Kizzie’s memorial service. The week leading up to the service was difficult on many accounts, and I was not looking forward to the service. I didn’t think I could handle all the tears and sadness. As we approached the church and awaited the service to begin, I silently prayed for peace and comfort.

The service ended up being a huge blessing in my life. There was sadness, but the pervading feeling was one of celebration for a life lived to the fullest. All of God’s grace and goodness on display for all to see and behold. With every remark from her family and friends, it was clear that Kizzie lived a life that honored God and served others well. It was the final remarks from the pastor that moved me the most. In his words, “Kizzie did not need a eulogy because she lived her eulogy.”

Her life was an epitaph to God’s marvelous works. I am so inspired by these words. How can I live my life in such a way that my living speaks all the volumes needed?

With the frailty of life and the certainty of death, we can all be assured that one day we will die. But when that day comes, we don’t have to fret over our legacy or our fate because in Christ we are assured an eternal resting place. Maybe then the most important part of living is the actual living. And living in such a way, that brings glory to God, but also inspires those around you. My grandmother modeled this for me in the most beautiful of ways, and it was apparent that she touched many lives.

I strive to carry on her legacy, and I trust God with my future, and I know he can help me lead a “no eulogy needed” life.

 

Hope in the sand

Last week, I was vacationing with my family in the Caribbean, and my sister and I were frolicking on the beach, taking pictures, swimming, jumping in and out of the waves, and running along the sand. It was one of those moments of pure bliss. Then my sister began to write in the sand. She wrote “Life is beautiful.” Then took a cool picture and posted it on Instagram. Following suit, I wrote “Love” in the sand and quickly captured the picture.

Then, without much thought I began to write “Hope” in the sand next to our other words. As I was writing, a man walked by and made a comment as I was writing the word. I didn’t actually hear what he said; I just smiled and kept writing “Hope” in the sand. A few minutes later, as I was just about to snap a few pictures of my word, the same man came by again.

This time he stopped and said, “Oh, so that’s what you were writing, ‘Hope’. Can you tell me about that?”

I stood there dazed for a minute, was this man seriously asking me to explain hope? After processing his question, I began to explain hope to him, “Really, it’s simple; hope is everything. Without hope, we don’t have a reason to get up in the morning.”

He looked at me puzzled for a second, and then responded, “Where do you get your hope from?”

It was at that moment that I knew without a doubt the only answer to his question.

“God.”

We talked for another 15 minutes about God, Jesus, salvation and eternity. He asked questions about my faith, and as I answered them, I felt more and more empowered, and I knew that it wasn’t me speaking but God through me. While we were talking his young daughter nearly stepped on my sand drawing, and he stopped her saying, “No sweetie, don’t step there that’s very important. In fact, it’s everything.”

A few seconds later, I looked down and noticed the little girl writing “hope” next to my drawing. Her father smiled with tears in his eyes.

When we finished our conversation, I walked back to my lounge chair. A few minutes later the man reappeared. He apologized for bothering me again, but the words he spoke were so sincere and real as if God himself were speaking them. “You know how everything happens for a reason. I know why I came on this vacation. Not to eat good food, swim in the beach, shop, or hang out. There was a reason I was on this beach feeding these fish at this moment. That reason was to come across the “hope” in the sand. You have changed my life. Now I have a reason to keep going and keep living.”

That encounter changed my life as much as his. A reminder that even something as simple as writing in the sand can change someone’s life, and really hope is all there is. Hope for eternity, hope for a better world, hope for peace, hope for love, hope for change, hope for people, hope in God, hope for tomorrow.

May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace as you trust in him, so that you may overflow with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit.

Romans 15:13