“Love all”

In the sport of tennis, “love” means zero. Each game begins with the phrase “love all” to indicate that both players have zero points. Over the years and through my experience, the term “love all” has truly come to embody the sport of tennis in my life. At a very early age, my dad put a tennis racquet in my hand at our local YMCA tennis courts. From my first swing, I fell in love. Though very shy and reserved off the court, on the tennis court I came alive; I was aggressive and fiercely competitive. Often I would be far behind my competitor, but I would slowly inch my way back into the match until I had eventually claimed the match. My parents coined me the “comeback kid”. Tennis gave me a playground, a classroom, a platform to be unafraid, to show tenacity, to fight, to stand my ground and to love.

When I was 12, one of the local tennis pros gave me my first job. Twice a week, I helped her teach tennis classes to other kids. Most of them were older and bigger than me, but I’d proudly demonstrate a stroke or step in and correct their grip. I loved being able to use my tennis skills to help others. I loved being able to relate to other kids through a sport I cherished. Every summer for 16 years, I returned to the courts to teach at a summer camp. This was often my favorite time of the year, from teaching new techniques to water balloon relays to competitive games with the other counselors, nothing could better sum up those summer days than love. I loved the students, the games, the counselors, I loved being able to work with my dad and my little sister. I loved being hot and sweaty and exhausted and running inside for a popsicle treat with smiling, happy campers. I loved being a teenager but running a camp with 100s of kids, a staff of fellow teenagers, and being solely in charge and responsible. I loved pouring myself tirelessly into improving my camp and the experience for the kids.

I didn’t realize it when I was younger, but later I began to feel that tennis was my calling, and I was gifted in teaching tennis for a reason. I’d find that reason 8,000 miles away on a dirt court in Nairobi, Kenya. The first time I went to Kenya, I didn’t know what to expect. I wasn’t even exactly sure why I was going. But I heard The Lord calling me, and I knew I couldn’t ignore His call. That was a life-changing experience. I saw kids playing tennis with wooden paddles but smiling from ear to ear. I saw kids with tennis shoes with gaping holes but sprinting across the court. I saw kids with worn clothes but laughing nonstop. I fell in love with those kids, with that place, with a sport that gave me so much giving them so much more. I returned to Kenya again this past fall, and upon arriving I knew I was home.

Tennis has been my outlet, my haven, my constant for much of my life. Whenever I felt down, my dad would take me on the tennis court and before the match was over I’d forget my troubles and be smiling. Tennis has been a way for me to love others. From my many teammates to my students to the girls in Kenya, I have had the opportunity to meet so many people through this sport. While “love” may mean zero in tennis, it has been so full for me. And now I have the chance to pay it forward. As I make preparations for my move to Kenya, my heart leaps with joy when I think of how God has orchestrated this. From the cracked courts at the YMCA to the makeshift courts in a slum in Kenya, The Lord’s hand has been guiding me along.  It’s sometimes incomprehensible that He would choose to use me to spread His gospel through tennis. I might not understand it, but I fully accept it.

Each game in tennis begins with “love all”, and that’s exactly what I plan on doing: loving all through a sport that has loved me, blessed me, taught me, employed me, shaped me and given me purpose.

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Life with retina

Over Christmas break, I got a new Mac laptop. When debating between models, I couldn’t decide if it was worth it to spend the extra couple of hundred dollars for the “retina” display. I am not a big gamer, and I am an amateur photographer at best, so I couldn’t justify spending extra money on just a better display. Ultimately, I ended up getting the retina model because it was slightly lighter and it had hdmi hookups. When I first started using the computer, I noticed that the picture quality was better but nothing really to brag about. Then it happened. I started importing all of my photos from my iPhone library. As the photos imported, each flashed on the screen for a split second, all of the colors bursting, the scenes expanded and the details magnified. As my pictures from the Grand Canyon to the Pacific Ocean to a tropical rainforest flashed on the screen, I saw these scenes as I never had before and tears flooded my eyes. Before then, I had only seen these pictures from the view of my phone screen: smaller, filtered through my screen protector. Limited. It wasn’t until the pictures were seen on the retina display that I saw them in all their true beauty and glory. Colorful. Full. Bright. Detailed. Enhanced. Enlarged. Enriched. Clear.

That is life with Jesus. Before Jesus everything is smaller, darker, lifeless. With God, everything is brighter and clearer. After looking at my pictures on my new fancy retina display, I cannot go back to merely cataloging my shots on my smaller phone screen. I need them to come alive on my retina display. After seeing the fullness of life with Christ, I cannot settle for the dullness and emptiness of life without Him. After knowing infinite joy and peace, I cannot re-enter the world of hopelessness and despair. After seeing the beauty of God’s grace, I cannot succumb to the temptation of life without Christ.

When Christ entered my heart, I was given “retina” vision for life. Through all the chaos and confusion of living, God makes all things clear according to His divine will and purposes. That’s life with retina. And I never want to be limited again by anything less than the clarity that comes with living for Christ.

Journey to 30…

365 days ago, it hit me that I was about to be be 30. Me, 30 years old! I couldn’t quite wrap my mind around the fact I was about to hit such a huge milestone in my life. I didn’t feel 30. My life didn’t seem to have all the pieces together that a 30-year-old would. I felt incomplete and not ready to be a “real adult”. After spending some time in prayer, I realized that God has me exactly where he wants me to be. I have all I need right now. And I am all I need to be right now. How refreshing to know that I don’t have to strive after earthly goals and ambitions. I just get to live. Live in the moment and live for the moment. So I set out on this journey. A journey of 30 things I wanted to accomplish before I turned 30. Now, I didn’t reach every item on the list like #9 Read 30 books or #22 eat clean for 30 days. But I lived, and the results were amazing. I have seen more, done more, read more, wrote more, prayed more, laughed more, cried more, lived more than I have in any other year of my life. Here are some highlights from my journey to 30:

#17 Surfing lessons in California

 

Now I don’t think that I come across as the surfer type. I’m not chiseled with a beach babe body, with long blond hair. But I LOVE the ocean. Let me repeat that for emphasis, I LOVE the ocean. From playing in the waves to sitting in the sand and listening to the waves crash on the shore, I am in total awe of the beauty God created in oceans. So I decided what better way to experience this creation, other than tackling those waves on a surfboard. So in April, my friend Jade and I set out on a West Coast expedition, and our first stop was San Diego’s Mission Beach. There, we first learned how to stand on the board on the sand, then we progressed to the real waves. Wave after wave, I tried to get up on my two feet. And wave after wave, I flopped, crashed, wiped out, toppled over, even managing to break my little finger. As the lesson was drawing near to a close, I mustered all the energy I had left, and with the final wave I managed to stand on the surfboard and ride the wave. What a feeling! In that moment, I was so consumed with the beauty and power of the waves that I had no room for worries or problems. In that moment, God used the rushing waves to remind me of his power and sovereignty.

#10 Be amazed

As our West Coast trip continued, we traveled from San Diego to LA and from LA to Las Vegas and from Vegas to the Grand Canyon. It was at the Grand Canyon that I accomplished #10 on my list Be amazed. Have you ever seen something so beautiful that you felt like were viewing God himself? That’s the feeling I received peering into the beauty and depth of the Grand Canyon. As I stood on the edge, I observed all the colors of the rocks and imagined God, the creator, carefully painting each rock and each crevice. That place is truly awe-inspiring.

#1 Complete a triathlon

This year I completed my first sprint triathlon. For me this was a huge feat and I entered the day with anxiety mixed with excitement and a sprinkling of sheer fear. individually the components didn’t frighten me; I have enjoyed swimming since I was very young and have never had any fear when it comes to water; when it came to biking I was felt very at ease at the thought of rolling casually 12 miles in the flat delta; and my thinking around the running was at least I could walk if I got tired. When tried to comprehend all three of these activities together, coupled with my months of inconsistent training and moments of lack of motivation, the night before the triathlon I was a nervous wreck. I tried to calm myself with my normal techniques, deep breathing, thinking of oceans, dinner with my mom and sisters, praying, but nothing worked I couldn’t catch my breath and I was drowning and I hadn’t even entered the lake yet. However, I was able to dig deeply into my second and often third wind to finish, and it was one of the most rewarding moments of my life. I just keep thinking about Philippians 3:14 “I press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus.” And press on I did, until I reached that finish line

#7 Give something meaningful to someone

This past July, my beloved Grandma Kizzie passed away. She was truly one of my favorite people. During her life, she imparted so much wisdom to me and poured me with unconditional love. At her memorial service, one of my aunts asked if I would be willing to say a few words about her life at the service. For anyone that knows me, they know that I am terrified of public speaking. However, I mustered all my strength and resolve and gave her a fitting tribute. There is not much that I could give my Grandma Kizzie that she didn’t already have. She was a women of valor, of love, of faith, of charisma, of courage. She lived a life, I would be lucky to emulate. And in those few words I spoke at her service, I thanked her for being my grandmother and the impact she had on my life.

#3 Get a new stamp in passport

So in October en route to Africa, I had layovers in Amsterdam and London, thereby accomplishing number three on my list: “Get a new stamp in passport.”

#8 Run a race

This may be my favorite and most surprising things on my list. When I initially thought of completing a race, I was thinking about a 5k or half marathon, little did I know the race would occur across the globe on a tennis court. In October, when I was volunteering and teaching tennis in Kenya one day after practice, I had the girls running suicides for fitness. They were getting exhausted, but I kept pushing them to keep going. Finally they were all leaning over, every ounce of energy drained from the bodies. I knew they could go one more time, they just needed the extra motivation. Which of course was making it a foot race against “coach”. We raced and ran and laughed and raced some more until we were wiped, but I was full. Full of so much joy!

#4 Fall in love (object to be determined)

Alas, the tricky one! I would love to say that in the past twelve months I met a great guy, fell in love, and on my way to the wedding chapel. But that’s not how this story goes, even better I fell more in love with Jesus and the person he created me to be. I have found my passions and gifts. I have found a joy unspeakable. I have been blessed enough to have formed new friendships through church, bible study, prayer group. I have loved every minute of the past year. Though it was difficult at times, God has always been faithful, and I trust Him wholeheartedly with my life and my future. I am head over heels in love with my creator and my sustainer. I love Jesus, and I am falling more in love with me every day.

 So what’s left?

#30 Have a magical birthday

And what I have realized is the magic is not in the action, it’s in the love shared by family and friends. The gift of grace and forgiveness from God make every day a magical miracle. My birthday will be magical because I believe in The Lord, and his mercies are new every morning. Whatever circumstances I may face, God is good, and He is loving and kind. I don’t know how I will actually spend my birthday, but I can guarantee you it will begin in thanks to God for all he has done, and all he will continue doing in my life. My journey to 30 has been amazing, and am I ready to hit 30 now? Absolutely! Bring on the candles! Let’s see what this new year, decade, season has to offer. To God be the glory, forever. Amen.

HE. Came.

Silent.

Dark.

Quiet.

Waiting.

---

Boom.

Bang.

Crash.

Everything changed in one moment.

HE CAME.

Unassuming.

Unnoticed.

King of the universe wrapped in swaddling clothing.

Holder of the world. Held as in infant.

Creator of the universe. Walking among the created.

Jesus came that we may have life. He came not with a loud uproar, but in silence in a manger, in a small town. There was not buzz about his arrival. The tabloid headlines didn’t shout of his birth like the royal baby. But yet he came, to a teenage girl and a carpenter.

He came. He came.

What’s more? He came to die.

He lived a life we couldn’t live and died a death we all deserved.

He came. The wise men knew. They brought gifts. The prophets had spoken of his coming. The people were waiting. Then, he came.

Yet, they rejected him. Mocked him. Beat him. Killed him.

But, he came. He came for me. He came for you. He came for my friends and family. He came for my enemies. He came for Mother Teresa. He came for Hitler. He came to save humanity. He came to give us life. He came to tear down the walls. He came to give us hope, peace, joy, comfort, love, patience. He came.

One night, in the midst of the darkness, in the midst of pain, suffering, hopelessness, he came. Silently, quietly, as just a mere infant, he came. An eternal light shining, he came. A light for the world, he came. A light for me in my darkest moments, he came. A light for all to see, he came.

And did I mention, he’s coming back.

“The people who walk in darkness will see a great light. For those who live in a land of deep darkness, a light will shine.” Isaiah 9:2

It’s October, Here’s my Pink Story

I was 24 years old when I found it; at first I wasn’t sure, so I felt again and again. Then I felt the other one to be sure, which confirmed my fears: I had discovered a lump in my breast. I laid still and quiet in my bed for a long time, just thinking about the foreign mass that was residing in my breast. “A cyst, that’s what it is.” I told myself. I was 24, there was no way I had cancer, I couldn’t even allow that to enter my brain. “I have a cyst, no big deal, a lot of young women get them. I’ll be just fine”

A year later I was on the phone with one of my friends when she asked if I’d seen a doctor about my “cyst”. I hadn’t, but I assured her I would since her mother was battling breast cancer. A few weeks later I was sitting at the Vanderbilt Breast Center, and hearing the words from the radiologist, “you have a tumor, and we need to biopsy it.”

“Wait, what are saying, this isn’t a cyst, we just can’t stick a needle in it and it’ll burst.” I was shocked, at 25 I had a tumor in my breast, but could it really be cancer?

When I came in for my biopsy, I was terrified. I sat in the waiting room watching all the women around me. There were women from all walks of life, all ethnicities, and to my surprise all ages. There were women wearing scarves to cover their hair loss from chemotherapy, there were women being comforted by husbands, mothers, sisters, and friends. There were women who looked weak and frail. Yet, among all these women, you could feel one tangible thing and that was Hope.

Hope for a cure, hope for good test results, hope for shrinkage, hope for remission, hope for another day to keep fighting, keep living, keep breathing, keep hoping. I had to wipe the tears from my eyes as I gathered strength from this phenomenal group of women. Could I be this strong? Could I have hope in the face of this monster? Could my resolve be to live to see another day?

After the biopsy, I had to wait a few days before getting the results. When the phone rang, I immediately recognized the Vanderbilt prefix. I answered and held my breath. “Benign..” Began the voice on the other end of the phone. I exhaled a sigh of relief, but my heart was forever changed by the scene in that waiting room. The hope I felt. The strength that was prevalent. Those women were in a fight for their lives but they had hope, and that was the force that kept them in the ring.

Hope in the sand

Last week, I was vacationing with my family in the Caribbean, and my sister and I were frolicking on the beach, taking pictures, swimming, jumping in and out of the waves, and running along the sand. It was one of those moments of pure bliss. Then my sister began to write in the sand. She wrote “Life is beautiful.” Then took a cool picture and posted it on Instagram. Following suit, I wrote “Love” in the sand and quickly captured the picture.

Then, without much thought I began to write “Hope” in the sand next to our other words. As I was writing, a man walked by and made a comment as I was writing the word. I didn’t actually hear what he said; I just smiled and kept writing “Hope” in the sand. A few minutes later, as I was just about to snap a few pictures of my word, the same man came by again.

This time he stopped and said, “Oh, so that’s what you were writing, ‘Hope’. Can you tell me about that?”

I stood there dazed for a minute, was this man seriously asking me to explain hope? After processing his question, I began to explain hope to him, “Really, it’s simple; hope is everything. Without hope, we don’t have a reason to get up in the morning.”

He looked at me puzzled for a second, and then responded, “Where do you get your hope from?”

It was at that moment that I knew without a doubt the only answer to his question.

“God.”

We talked for another 15 minutes about God, Jesus, salvation and eternity. He asked questions about my faith, and as I answered them, I felt more and more empowered, and I knew that it wasn’t me speaking but God through me. While we were talking his young daughter nearly stepped on my sand drawing, and he stopped her saying, “No sweetie, don’t step there that’s very important. In fact, it’s everything.”

A few seconds later, I looked down and noticed the little girl writing “hope” next to my drawing. Her father smiled with tears in his eyes.

When we finished our conversation, I walked back to my lounge chair. A few minutes later the man reappeared. He apologized for bothering me again, but the words he spoke were so sincere and real as if God himself were speaking them. “You know how everything happens for a reason. I know why I came on this vacation. Not to eat good food, swim in the beach, shop, or hang out. There was a reason I was on this beach feeding these fish at this moment. That reason was to come across the “hope” in the sand. You have changed my life. Now I have a reason to keep going and keep living.”

That encounter changed my life as much as his. A reminder that even something as simple as writing in the sand can change someone’s life, and really hope is all there is. Hope for eternity, hope for a better world, hope for peace, hope for love, hope for change, hope for people, hope in God, hope for tomorrow.

May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace as you trust in him, so that you may overflow with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit.

Romans 15:13

29:11

I look down at the ratty and worn out bookmark, the tassel frayed and unraveling. Then, I look at the words printed on the front of the bookmark, and tears begin to stream down my face. How appropriate those words. How real they would feel one year later. How convicted I would feel by the truth in the words. Printed on the leather purple bookmark, still tucked away in the Joyce Meyer book that was a graduation present from my mother: “For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans to prosper you and not harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.”

Oh, how true indeed! The Lord has always known the plans for me and it brings me such joy to know that while I was worried about my future, jobs, relationships, etc., He already knew those plans. When I first got the bookmark last May, I remember looking at the words, and thinking, hmm that’s a nice little bible verse. However it didn’t change anything in my heart. I continued to worry and stress about jobs and where I would be living and what I would be doing. Looking back on it now, I see how minute my worries were. I see how small my stresses were to an almighty God, but at the time they were all-consuming. I defined my identity in worldly success. So, I looked at the bookmark with some merit, but gave it no merit in my life. A few weeks later, I was in Memphis for Memorial Day, which ended up being a life changing week, and I was at Cracker Barrel with my little sister, and as we walked through the country store, I glanced a plaque with the same words printed on it. I said to my sister, “Maya, look it’s that same bible verse.” She said it must be following me around for a reason. I told her if I got the job that I was interviewing for on the next day, that they must get the plaque for me to hang on my office wall.

I did get that job, and for the next two or three months, I would see this bible verse, Jeremiah 29:11 printed everywhere. As if it truly were following me around. From looking for decorations for my new apartment, to buying a journal from the bookstore, I saw those words everywhere. Finally, I began to wonder what God could mean. In my mind his prophecy had been fulfilled. I was desperate for a job, and he blessed me with an awesome job around an amazing group of uplifting Christian people. Weren’t those his plans? Hadn’t he prospered me? It never really was about the job though.

Months later as I reflect on the past 12 months, tears stream down my face as I reread those words printed on the purple leather bookmark. When I think of the plans that I tried to create for myself, the jobs I applied for, the cities I attempted to live in, the relationships that I wanted to form; they are crumbs compared to the feast that the Lord has been preparing for me. One year later, I realize that all of the doors that had to close, all the sadness I had to endure, all of the confusion, all of the frustration, all of the things I had to turn away from, so I could turn to the one true and Holy God. The past 12 months have changed me. I trust God because I believe that his plans for me will always surpass any plans I could ever make for myself.

I can look at Jeremiah 29:11 and know that the Lord is good and sovereign and his promises always come true. I can substitute the word “plans” for job, husband, house, friends, city, tomorrow, etc. He knows my future, He holds my future, and his plan are to give me hope and a future Something I couldn’t foresee a year ago.

Where is God sometimes?

It was an early May day, but the temperature in Nashville was already in the mid-90s. It was the sticky, sweltering type of heat that makes it not only difficult to breath, but every task is intensified by the mighty rays of the sun. I was sitting in my car at a local park in between errands for that day. Although I was parked in the shade, I could feel the sauna that was right outside my car. As I sat in the car, I began to feel tears swelling in my eyes. I didn’t want to cry in that moment, I wanted to feel the warmth of the sun and be reminded of God’s love and presence. However, in that moment, all I could do was cry. I don’t know how long I sat in that car with tears streaming down my face, and sweat dripping from my forehead, but after a short while, I was distracted from my tears by a buzz of my cell phone.

It’s weird that I would ask where God is sometimes, when I know he is everywhere at all times. But sometimes I think we just have to be reminded that he is with us and cares for us. When I picked up the phone and wiped the tears from my eyes that were blurring my vision, I noticed a text from a friend that simply said, “Are you okay today?” I don’t know how she knew to text me or that I was sitting in a hot car crying in isolation, but that text message reminded me of God’s love in my life, and how he sends people to us in our most desperate situations. Later that afternoon, as I was walking to class, I looked at the big, bright, beautiful sun, and I knew God was there. I felt him in the warmth of the spring air. I saw him in the blinding rays of the sun. I sensed him in the humidity that clinged to my skin. I met God that day and he told me that he is with me always. For me, that message came from the largest celestial body in the solar system. For others, it can come in all kinds of different forms and ways.

At hard times, I think it is easy to forget that God has a plan for our lives and to trust his plan, but when we surrender to his good and perfect will, that’s when his love and grace is illuminated in our lives like the beauty of the sun on a hot May day.

Be blessed and live in the name of christ…

Stop looking down during stressing times and look up and find the “sun”, the light, and the way.